struggle between a tomboy and a girl
J said he sees in me a struggle between a tomboy and a girl.
Again I did what I should stop: Accept what the man is seeing and go into his perspective to find an angle from which what he says could be true.
I told him how I now realize it when I see my niece and my nephews, and how hard it is sometimes to deal with my niece, because I never was a glitter princess like her.
I did not play with baby dolls when I was a kid; I never wanted to be a princess; I never fancied beautiful dresses; I was never particularly fascinated by wearing make-up; all my soft toys had male names -- a fact that I realized when I had quite a collection of them but for me they just were all male. I didn't like working in the kitchen, in general I didn't like working with my mom; I preferred to help my father with whatever he was doing. I was fascinated by the workshop of my father, although I was equally fascinated by the sewing kits and different fabrics of my mother.
I liked playing and creating something in the woods or down at the river. Disney princesses were never idols for me. Except for Pipi Longstocking I couldn't remember a female role model that I recognized as such. Well, George from Enid Blyton's Famous Five maybe - a tomboy.
But even in my teenage years, there has never been a struggle between me being a tomboy or a girl. I have always been a girl. All these non-girly things I described above don't make me less of a girl.
So to J, I should have said:
No. There is no struggle, because to me there never was and is no difference. The fact that I usually don't dress up and wear make-up, that I prefer bicycles for high heels and my bag rather contains a pocketknife than a lipstick, that doesn't make me less of a girl.
That I show a guy how to fix a puncture, doesn't make me more of a guy than him.
The struggle is between the free woman I grew up being and the potential model/pick-up/girlfriend/wife/mother that men want to see in me. Something to look at, something to fuck, something to get comfort, something to make a man feel like a man. Something to conquer, a trophy, either a hard challenge or a cheap floozy.
But I don't fight this struggle, men do.
I fight to remain the free woman I grew up being, while men find me "interesting" and still try to get the benefit they think a woman is supposed to bring them.
Again I did what I should stop: Accept what the man is seeing and go into his perspective to find an angle from which what he says could be true.
I told him how I now realize it when I see my niece and my nephews, and how hard it is sometimes to deal with my niece, because I never was a glitter princess like her.
I did not play with baby dolls when I was a kid; I never wanted to be a princess; I never fancied beautiful dresses; I was never particularly fascinated by wearing make-up; all my soft toys had male names -- a fact that I realized when I had quite a collection of them but for me they just were all male. I didn't like working in the kitchen, in general I didn't like working with my mom; I preferred to help my father with whatever he was doing. I was fascinated by the workshop of my father, although I was equally fascinated by the sewing kits and different fabrics of my mother.
I liked playing and creating something in the woods or down at the river. Disney princesses were never idols for me. Except for Pipi Longstocking I couldn't remember a female role model that I recognized as such. Well, George from Enid Blyton's Famous Five maybe - a tomboy.
But even in my teenage years, there has never been a struggle between me being a tomboy or a girl. I have always been a girl. All these non-girly things I described above don't make me less of a girl.
So to J, I should have said:
No. There is no struggle, because to me there never was and is no difference. The fact that I usually don't dress up and wear make-up, that I prefer bicycles for high heels and my bag rather contains a pocketknife than a lipstick, that doesn't make me less of a girl.
That I show a guy how to fix a puncture, doesn't make me more of a guy than him.
The struggle is between the free woman I grew up being and the potential model/pick-up/girlfriend/wife/mother that men want to see in me. Something to look at, something to fuck, something to get comfort, something to make a man feel like a man. Something to conquer, a trophy, either a hard challenge or a cheap floozy.
But I don't fight this struggle, men do.
I fight to remain the free woman I grew up being, while men find me "interesting" and still try to get the benefit they think a woman is supposed to bring them.
daisee gell - 7. Jan, 15:07
